What is masking, and what can it cost you?

What is masking, and what can it cost you?

You have learned, over many years, how to appear fine.

You watch how other people move through social situations and you mirror it.

You prepare what to say before conversations happen.

You hold yourself together in public, and fall apart in private.

You have been told you are doing so well, that you seem so capable, that you do not look like someone who struggles.

And yet underneath that, there may be an exhaustion that is hard to explain to people who have never experienced it.

This experience has a name.

It is called masking, and it is something many people that are neurodiverse live with, often without realising it has a name, or that not everyone experiences life this way.

What is masking?

Masking, sometimes called camouflaging in research literature, refers to the conscious or unconscious suppression or hiding of neurodivergent traits in order to fit in, meet social expectations, or avoid negative responses from others.

It is most commonly discussed in relation to autism, ADHD and AuDHD, though it may occur across a range of neurodivergent experiences.

Research into masking has grown significantly over the past decade, with researchers such as Lai, Hull, and colleagues contributing to a growing body of evidence about what masking involves, who is most affected, and what it can cost over time.

Masking is not a deliberate choice in the sense of deciding to deceive others.

For many people, it develops gradually and often unconsciously, as a response to environments where their natural way of being was met with confusion, correction, or rejection.

Over time, masking can become so automatic that a person may not be aware they are doing it at all.

What masking can look like

Masking can show up in many different ways depending on the person and the context.

Some common examples may include:

Scripting conversations

Preparing what to say in advance, rehearsing responses, or replaying conversations afterwards to check whether they went the way they were supposed to.

Suppressing or hiding stimming

Stimming refers to repetitive movements or behaviours that can help regulate the nervous system, such as rocking, hand movements, or fidgeting.

Many people who are neurodivergent learn to suppress these in public because they attract unwanted attention.

Forcing eye contact

Eye contact can feel deeply uncomfortable for people that are neurodivergent.

Forcing it is a common form of masking that can take significant effort and concentration.

Mimicking others' social behaviour

Watching and copying how others interact, laugh, gesture, or respond, in order to appear more socially fluent than may feel natural.

Hiding difficulties

Covering up struggles with organisation, time management, sensory sensitivities, or emotional regulation in order to appear more capable or to avoid judgement.

Performing emotions

Displaying emotional responses that feel expected rather than authentic, or dampening down emotional reactions that feel too big or too different.

Pushing through overwhelm

Continuing to function in environments that are overwhelming, then experiencing significant exhaustion or shutdown afterwards, sometimes called a crash or a meltdown, in private.

Why people mask

Masking tends to develop for understandable reasons.

Many people that are neurodiverse grow up in environments where their differences were not understood, welcomed, or accommodated.

They may have experienced repeated social difficulties, been told they were too much or not enough, faced bullying or exclusion, or simply observed that the way they naturally functioned did not match what was expected of them.

In those contexts, adapting and blending in can feel like the only safe option.

For some people, masking may have been consciously taught, by well-meaning parents, teachers, or therapists who encouraged more neurotypical behaviour without understanding the long-term cost.

For others, it may have developed entirely organically, simply as a way of navigating a world that was not designed with them in mind.

Who masking tends to affect

Masking can occur throughout all genders and ages.

However, research suggests that it may be particularly prevalent in women, girls, and people assigned female at birth.

This is thought to be one of the reasons why autism, ADHD and AuDHD have historically been significantly underdiagnosed in these groups.

When the presenting profile does not match the stereotypical picture, and when masking means the difficulties are less visible, diagnosis can be missed or delayed for many years, sometimes decades.

It is worth noting that masking is not limited to any one gender, and that many men and boys also mask, though this has historically received less research attention.

Late diagnosis in adulthood is increasingly common, and for many people, understanding masking is a significant part of making sense of their life experience in retrospect.

The cost of masking

Masking can be extraordinarily tiring.

Maintaining a carefully constructed presentation of self, often across an entire work day or social event, can leave very little in reserve.

Some of the costs that research and clinical experience suggest may be associated with sustained masking include:

Exhaustion and burnout

The cognitive and emotional load of masking consistently over time can contribute to significant exhaustion.

For some people, sustained masking can contribute to what is known as autistic burnout or ADHD burnout, a state of deep physical, emotional, and cognitive depletion that can take considerable time to recover from.

Anxiety and depression

Living in a sustained state of performance and self-monitoring may contribute to heightened anxiety.

There can also be a sense of loneliness and disconnection that comes from feeling that the version of yourself others know is not the real one.

Research has found associations between high levels of masking and poorer mental health outcomes, including depression and reduced quality of life.

Identity confusion

When masking has been present for a long time, it can become difficult to know who you are beneath it.

People may struggle to identify their own preferences, needs, or ways of being, having spent so long adapting to what others expect.

Delayed diagnosis

Because masking can make neurodivergent traits less visible, it can contribute to significant delays in receiving an accurate diagnosis.

For many people, receiving a diagnosis in adulthood comes with a complicated mixture of relief, grief, and the gradual process of understanding their own history in a new light.

What unmasking can mean

Unmasking is not simply a matter of deciding to stop hiding.

For many people, it is a gradual and ongoing process of rediscovering who they are, learning what they actually need, and finding contexts where they can exist more authentically.

It may involve grieving the years spent performing, and the energy that cost.

It can also involve rebuilding a sense of identity that feels genuinely one's own.

Unmasking does not mean discarding all social skills or refusing to adapt to context.

Most people move along a continuum, finding spaces and relationships where less masking is needed, while still navigating situations where some degree of adaptation feels necessary or chosen.

Therapy can be a meaningful space for this work.

A safe, non-judgmental therapeutic relationship can offer a place to explore what feels authentic, to understand the origins of masking, and to slowly develop a more integrated and compassionate sense of self.

A note on late diagnosis

For many people who come to understand masking as adults, the recognition can arrive before, alongside, or after a formal diagnosis.

A formal diagnosis is not required for masking to be a valid and relevant part of someone's experience.

If you are exploring whether ADHD, autism or AuDHD may be relevant to your experience, or if you have recently received a diagnosis and are making sense of what that means, it may be worth speaking with a therapist who has experience working with people who are neurodivergent.
At Clarity Collective, I offer counselling for adults with ADHD, Autism or AuDHD on the Southern Gold Coast and online across Australia.
If you would like to explore whether counselling could be a supportive space for you, you are welcome to get in touch.
Frequently asked questions:

Is masking the same as lying or pretending?

No.

Masking is generally not a deliberate attempt to deceive others.

It tends to develop as an adaptive response to social environments, often unconsciously and over many years.

Many people who mask are not fully aware of the extent to which they are doing it until they begin to reflect on it, often in the context of therapy or following a diagnosis.

Can masking affect people who are not neurodiverse?

Masking is most commonly discussed in relation to autism, ADHD and AuDHD.

However, the broader experience of hiding or suppressing aspects of oneself to fit in may resonate for people with other neurodivergent profiles, or for people who have experienced environments where authenticity felt unsafe for other reasons.

Can you unmask completely?

For most people, unmasking is a gradual process rather than a complete switch.

It often involves identifying the contexts and relationships where more authentic expression feels possible, and slowly expanding that capacity over time.

Full unmasking in every context may not be realistic or even desirable for everyone, and the goal is generally not perfection but rather greater freedom and less exhaustion.

Does masking always lead to burnout?

Not necessarily, but sustained high levels of masking over long periods of time may increase the risk of burnout, particularly autistic burnout.

The relationship between masking and wellbeing is complex and varies between individuals.

What does seem clear from research is that being able to reduce masking in at least some areas of life tends to be associated with better wellbeing outcomes.

How can therapy help with masking?

Therapy can offer a space to explore the origins of masking, to begin to identify what feels authentic versus performed, and to process the emotions that can come with this kind of self-reflection.

For many people, it is also a place to grieve what masking may have cost them, and to begin building a more compassionate relationship with themselves.

If you liked this article, you might also enjoy reading:

• The grief that can follow an ADHD diagnosis
• ADHD burnout: what's the difference between burnout and ADHD burnout?
• Executive functioning and ADHD: why everyday tasks can feel so hard

About Clarity Collective

I'm Femke Romeijn, a social worker, counsellor, educator, and AASW Accredited Supervisor based on the Southern Gold Coast.

Through Clarity Collective, I provide counselling, clinical supervision, and education both locally and online across Australia.

I support individuals navigating grief and loss, ADHD, trauma, burnout, and life transitions, while also creating space for students, social workers, helping professionals, and organisations to reflect, learn, and grow.

You can learn more about me, explore the counselling and supervision services I offer, or contact me if you would like to connect.